Now you see me again.
In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.-Leo Tolstoy
If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, it’s in hibernation. Sometimes, it’s what your mind needs. Going through a period of fallow where you don’t get up to much, and simply exist. After all, nature does it too. It only makes sense that I take a cue from life’s best teacher, when I needed it the most.
I pride myself on thinking that I am an incredibly thoughtful person, and I also tell everyone who cares to listen about how I go through my life with an “all or nothing” disposition. Some people might think that, for me, this is merely an ordinary thing I do when I come up to this place to write about random things that pop into my head at will. It’s the opposite because this is far from random for me at all.
I’ve had this blog since I was about 15 years old and even though, I initially started off posting random things that did pop into my head at the time, the art of blogging as I like to call it now wasn’t ever random for me. If you read the about me page, there’s a part where I stated that for the most part, I write these posts the way that I do so that when you read them, you do at least feel something. It’s always been intentional and I always want to do it right.
And it’s why I needed the time off. To recalibrate, and to do many things over. Most importantly, I needed to find a way back home to myself. There were days in recent past when I looked into the mirror and I wasn’t even seeing myself. That happens when you’ve spent a long time looking at yourself through the eyes of others; what you imagine they love to see and who they want you to be.
To see myself for who I really am would mean that I’d have to sit with my flaws and I didn’t want any of that. It’s why I needed the time to figure things out and especially; to let go of many things in my past so that I could make more space for the things in my present.
But I’m back now, my beloveds. I am back and I’ve never felt better. They say re-inventing oneself never truly ends and that it’s a life-long process. It’s one that I am very much committed to at this time. And while I focus on that, I’ve realized I can do more than one thing at once (who knew? haha). I’m back and now you see me again. 💛
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