Diary of an Ibadan Girl: Entry 16


I woke today, feeling sad about the fact that Alhaji Sikiru Ayinde Barrister won’t be playing at my wedding. Because he went to the great beyond earlier than I scheduled.


My only hope for a blissful wedding party now is Alhaji Wasiu Ayinde Marshall. May God keep him till 2022 and beyond.

Why I am in my “marital bliss” feelings today is probably because of the unfortunate wedding that I went to yesterday. The ceremony was an outright disaster! I mean, if you don’t have money for l’agbo l’agbo, shebi you’ll cut your coat according to your size? No o. This bride and groom went to sew agbada size for their own tiny body. It was now so big for them that they kept falling. They went to be doing aranjuyan to things that are not supposed to concern them considering the fact that they are not exactly rich, not to talk of wealthy.

This party that I’m talking about, this was how different vendors were dragging oko and Iyawo up and down Oju Agbo on top of balance for this and that. Proper dragging o. By now, I’m very sure they’ve even dragged them to the police station and the marriage is now in shambles.

It was the caterer that first started and we did not know that it was only just beginning. As they were about to cut wedding cake like this, that’s how the woman just shouted, “E da duro beyen, hold it right there” from where she was standing few feet behind the Iyawo.

The woman just started talking that, they had promised to pay her balance before the ceremony but they did not pay and that the agreement was that they are just going to use the cake as props, no cutting of any sort. Now, they want to cut the cake that they’re still owing money for, if they cut it, what’s the assurance that they will pay?

At first, I was like, Ah! Iru kileleyii? What’sappening?

I cannot begin to describe the drama that this woman performed for all of us guests before someone from the groom’s family now went to the rescue o. That one went to talk to her that they would definitely pay her money soon and that she should keep calm and please not ruin the day for them.

I think it was the drama that the cake woman started that gingered the others. Maybe they thought that if they also, did not ask for their money at that instant, they were going to be on a long thing. So, they all decided to join the dragging. Ati photographer, Ati live band, Ati oni decoration, all of them started asking for their balance. Even the makeup artist that did pancake face for Iyawo. 

See, it’s not actually by force to have a big societal wedding if you cannot afford it. Because what’s now the point when you finish wedding and you now begin to suffer mercilessly? These ones even started suffering before they entered the marriage. Talk about afowofa ti pa ekute ile.

All these ones that people are doing, some of us already know that we are going to get married in our daddy’s sitting room and it’s perfectly alright because we are about that life but that does not mean we won’t have a happy married life. In fact, I can even choose to go to my husband’s house in the middle of the night, my people should just go and wait there for me so that they can pour water on my leg before I enter his house. All these Kwam 1 talk that I’m talking is just bants, I’m not that crazy about weddings abeg.

I’m legit the CEO of “I cannot do more than myself” enterprises and I’m carrying that title to my grave, please.

Anyway, talk is cheap.

NYSC ti fe take life mi. They want to kill me. People did not tell me that the thing is actually pure waste of time and human resources. I can’t even overemphasize the uselessness of the scheme to my life right now. They should have just given me the combined allowance after camp and tell me to gwan build a startup, instead of this rubbish that they are forcing me to do.

I’ve been looking for placements since last week bayii. Initially, they posted me to one secondary school at Molete. They said me I should be teaching biology, Ss1-3. I nearly laughed in the principal’s face because it seemed like terrible terrible joke to me. Me, teach ss3? Loooooooooooooooooool.

I’m sorry but I feel like I can’t teach what I don’t know and biology is one of the things that I really didn’t invest my time in while I was in secondary school because this really nasty teacher that taught senior biology classes and he usually made hideous references; especially if it was a tricky topic. I remember we did one topic for like a whole term and one can easily guess what it was that we spend so much time on: Reproduction. Perhaps, it was for our own good but I just didn’t really find it funny especially when he was making references to my body parts for examples. Me that I didn’t have any breast in ss1, the stupid man will now be calling attention to it again.

So, basically, I had to tell that principal to reject me o. Anyway, I am sha still hustling for a PPA, incase you people know any sugar daddy that wants a sugar baby with no form of physical contact whatsoever, kindly drop a comment or send me a mail.



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