Aayooba’s Diaries: A Letter to 28

Hello 28,

I will keep this letter brief. However, before anything else, I would like to state that you have been my favourite age so far, probably even the best one. Perhaps, that’s why you’ve also been the toughest one and that makes me sad because you were nothing short of magical yet you went through dark doors that you shouldn’t have. A wise person once said though, that to have the capacity for joy, one must also have the capacity for pain as it is impossible to see beauty without seeing ugliness too. When we said goodbye to 27, it was with a less-than-happy but hopeful heart. Weary from all the baggage of the last five years, we had no lofty dreams or goals outlined. We were done setting intimidating deadlines for ourselves so when you came, it wasn’t really to do any work. You just wanted to relax. That you did, and then some:

Hoarding Mirtazapine

You spent a great part of this age being anxious. Wait, that came out wrong because it sounds like you wanted to be when I know fully well that you had zero control over the situation and it was a feeling that consumed you in a way that you still don’t feel confident to talk about.

Doing time in creator’s hell

If a place like this existed in the real world, it would mean you had an ensuite apartment right on the ground floor of this place.

No love lost

Sometimes, people run their course in one’s life and that’s okay. Most times, it hurts but that’s okay too. Earlier this year, a long-term friendship expired and you never really acknowledged how much it discombobulated you or how it put you off relationships in general. You spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about “the point of it all if it was going to end anyway” but I am glad you were surrounded by reminders that not only disproved this thought but made you realise how beautiful friendships are and can continue to be.

Calling your energy back

It annoys me a little to admit that you often overplay your part in your relationships and while you would like to think that it’s just how you’re wired, I will have you admit that it’s also very self-serving. You do it because it’s who you are and makes you feel good. Therefore, it’s not entirely selfless as you would like people to think. You try too hard to give out the love you want to receive and it’s admirable even though, it’s not always worked out this way. This year, you realized that you can exist in the presence of others without actively participating in their journey or wanting to take front seats in their experience. For that, you suffered less burnout. You took care of yourself each time you managed to call your energy back home.

Dipped from old patterns

When life takes you through an experience but you somehow refuse (mostly because you don’t have sense haha) to take away any lessons from said experience, life makes you spin that block religiously, often unknowingly until you LURNNN. An old flame reared his head (again), you knew that you were about to re-enter a familiar pattern that you’d already seen its devastating outcome a billion and one times. This time though, you dipped and I’m glad you did. That singular act alone makes my heart burst into a million love pieces for you and the growth of your discernment.

Schmoneyyy

It’s important for me to highlight how much you were skint this year lol. However, by how much the universe cared for you, we can admit you were well provided for. You barely had a lot to save yet all your needs were met even to the point where you could easily give. I do not take this grace for granted. Though you’re heading towards 29 with less money than we should have, I can’t even be mad at you for it. Something tells me this was our last year being broke 😉

Healed babe era

One amazing thing about the internet is that you can go on there and have an exact situation that you’re currently going through be mirrored back to you in the same composition, no more no less. More times than I can count, I’ve seen relatable posts that I immediately go “omg same” especially when it’s something heartbreaking or toxic, relationships-wise. Recently though, I realized you don’t go “omg same” anymore at many of those things. I realized you are not a sad girl anymore. You’re not sad because you’ve been healing and weirdly, that makes you feel alone. I hope you know you’re a weird babe?

Alone

Speaking of feeling alone, you did way too much this year all on your own. In the words of M, you should stop handling everything by yourself. We know you’ve got this but there’s nothing wrong when you haven’t got it either. Sometimes, it’s okay to keep your energy on reserve and let others do your heavy lifting too.

Flaming June

I feel like I’ve fixated too much on the dark doors and not enough on the days when the sun set with a mesmerizing orange tinge. It would be unfair to not give props to the happy, hopeful days. It gives me so much joy to think about the fact that on the days the skies were blue, they couldn’t have been bluer. Shoutout to Flaming June 🫶🏾

The end

And when I look back at you when I’m older, I know it will be with eyes of admiration and of course, gratitude. Thank you, 28. For being unmoving, for having the strongest will to live and for standing firmly in our sheer existence.

Sincerely, I owe you my life.