To The Girls That Walk This Path
I’ve always envied the girly girls. The girls that knew who they were from the onset, right from day one. The girls who looked forward to training bras, the ones who were excited to get their first periods. The ones who seemed to know what it embodied to be female, accepted it willingly and without fail. I know this envy stems from the fact that I was not that type of girl at all. I was a straggler in that department because I struggled so much to reconcile with the identity, that I am indeed female.
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I remember the time I got my first bra. It felt like the world I knew, the one that was familiar to me, had ended. It felt like I now had to be a proper female and do girly stuff. That was heartbreaking for me because I thought that I didn’t sign up for any of that. But in retrospect, that time wasn’t even half as bad as when I got my first period. I remember telling myself then and there that it was the beginning of the end of my life. A tad dramatic but literally, it was. Because my grandmother would go on to tell me cheerfully on that first day how I had become a woman.
That time marked the beginning of a significant period in my life, no pun intended. And trust me if I say there’s one thing that I enjoy being most, and that it is being a child. I believe a child is free to do whatever they want and I loved enjoying the freedom of not having a care in the world. I loved not worrying about which days of the month were going to be bloody or whether it would be inappropriate to wear a strappy bra to a sleeveless blouse. It was a simple existence and it was great. So when that phase ended for me, I hated what came after. I was at a loss because I wasn’t prepared nor ready for the changes that nature had thrust upon me.
It’s why I really admire the girly girls now that I am older because I understand that it’s a beautiful thing to be accepting of who you are. Contrary to the girls like me who constantly battled within ourselves, year in and out. Trying to find a balance, a middle ground with so many changes and arriving at a place where it’s no longer uncomfortable to simply love ourselves.
Of course, this is because I see things more clearly. I still struggle with so many facets of being female, not even going to lie. But I am definitely kinder to myself than I was as a teenager and even though I acknowledge that I was unnecessarily foolish at the time, I understand that it was mostly because I didn’t know better. More recently, I have grown to embrace the beauty of being female, of choosing to own my body and of the complexities in the life that I live as this gender. Again, I still struggle. Heavy on ‘still’ because on some days, I don’t even know whose body is it I am in.
I dictated this post on my phone sometime in the last year but now feels like a great time to put it out. In this month, where women are celebrated. Because after all, the women of today were once the girls of yesterday. So I write this as a shout out to the girly girls: you’ve always known who you are and if that isn’t power, I don’t know what is. A shout out to the girls like me, who were confused: you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and hopefully you’re better off for it. And to the girls who still struggle to accept, my biggest shout outs go to you because I know what it’s like. I hope you feel differently someday. Cheers to you today and every day, my Queens. 🥂
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