In My Head: When love is just a parasite

Have you ever sat and thought about why rats seem so drawn to cats, even when it’s a pretty toxic relationship for them? Before now I hadn’t because well I have better things to do with my life than think about rats and cats but you will admit we’ve all had one of those days where we don’t do meaningful things with our lives so let me tell me you what I did on my own not-so-meaningful day: I found out about why rats are weirdly besotted with cats! This won’t be a long read, so don’t worry, you can still get back to your “meaningful” day after this haha. You know cats are predatory, right? And they essentially eat rats? So why would a rat keep running after a cat, especially after knowing fully well that nothing good will come out of that chase other than the fact that it would get eaten? It’s giving Juju, it’s giving the cat has blown the rat white powder, but that’s not why at all, trust me. There’s a more scientific and logical explanation to it than you could ever have thought, and I’m here to give you all the down low. Apparently, there’s a microscopic bug that’s the culprit behind all these weird relationship facilitations. Can you imagine a bug? Anyway, stay with me. So this bug is called Toxoplasma Gondii, but for the purpose of this post, we’ll call it Tokunbo. Since the bug has a name, we might as well give names to the rats and cats of the world, so I’ll be referring to the rats as Rashidi and the cats as Cardoso. Of course, I’m anthropomorphizing here, but allow it. It’s for simplification purposes, I promise (is it though?) 

So here’s how it works: Tokunbo, the bug, lovesssss nothing more than living inside Cardoso’s gut. This is where he thrives, drives a Maserati, and essentially lives large. Let me also add that he conveniently finds a way to reproduce and multiply in this gut. After all, it’s not like he’s paying rent or anything. Cardoso, on the other hand, a happy-go-lucky lad who’s found a way to escape bills and taxes by crawling on all fours, isn’t aware of this arrangement in the least. He’s just doing his own thing, you know. Anyway, whenever Cardoso poops (like everybody does) he manages to evict some of Tokunbo’s offsprings via his excretions because obviously now there’s a bit of overcrowding and there’s only so much that philanthropy will do. Now here comes Rashidi, a nonentity, who has no friends or allies and just constitutes a nuisance everywhere he goes. Like a nuisance that he is, Rashidi has no money and is broke. Because he’s broke, he is poor and because he’s poor, he has to eat whatever he sees including Cardoso’s poop. When Rashidi eats Cardoso’s poop, he inadvertently ingests little Tokunbos that were previously evicted into himself. This is where the mastermind plotting begins. I’ve already established that Tokunbo is a born squatter and loves nothing more than to permanently live in Cardoso’s gut, right? Hear this: once little Tokunbos get into Rashidi’s body, what do they do? They find a way to get into his brain where they recite all the magic spells they know and concoct all the love potions they can manage, right inside his brain. Essentially, they trick him into believing Cardoso is his one true soulmate and that he should be spending the rest of his life with. Rashidi, like any average living thing, obviously falls for this propaganda by believing this and therefore begins to run endlessly after Cardoso. Cardoso, in turn, sees nothing in Rashidi other than him being free lunch, and I don’t fully blame him, to be honest, he already pays for way too much and probably deserves a treat once in a while. Long story short, Rashidi plays into the part that was masterminded for him by Tokunbo and gets into Cardoso’s bloodthirsty radar who does the most natural thing to him which is to kill Rashidi and eat him for lunch, dinner or breakfast at whatever time of day it is for him, thereby eating Tokunbo’s offsprings too. Are you getting this? Ultimately fulfilling the purpose that Tokunbo wanted all along, which was to return to Cardoso’s gut. Honestly, if this isn’t a genius-level type plot, I don’t know what is.

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